oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize