Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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