His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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