shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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