update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.