we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?