weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.