And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.