I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
