I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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