drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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