I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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