I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
