just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
