i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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