He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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