I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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