i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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