I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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