Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."