I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?