They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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