3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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