Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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