if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
