I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
