I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
