you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize