good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
