i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Someone signed my nipple.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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