3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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