It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
