out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
