youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize