now i know why i became what i already was.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
