I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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