First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
