we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
