I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
