someone get that fucking seahorse.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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