why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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