I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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