She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
