I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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