Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?