My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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