so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
