Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize