i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
