i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
