She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
