I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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