My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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