And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize