No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
