I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
