I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
