Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
