I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
PANTIES FOUND
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