I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
